Hope for Joy!

Alrighty, we have sorted, dug out, wrote down and organized now it is time to make some choices. All of you have so far been subjected to my speech to choose joy and now we are going to discuss why we should make this choice first above all others because it is FREE.

Let’s start first with all the web sites and books that preach about living the life you want so you will have joy. Is that how you get joy. Absolutely not! What about all the stuff you can buy that will bring you joy? Emphatically NOT! Oh, I got it, what about having people make you happy. That brings us joy, doesn’t it? Now that is a good one but NO!

The word on the street is that you can find joy in a bottle so we have to buy it or smoke it or get someone to give it to us. It is not! Mind you it is not easy to get if we are used to living a joyless life but it is possible and available to us all. Do we hear that – it is available to all, rich, poor, married, single, parent, childless, employed or unemployed. AVAILABLE TO ALL! Whew, that is good to know, very good to know.

Now that we know it is within our reach let’s talk about the effects of having joy in our lives so that we understand why we should choose to be joyful. The first fallout to being joyful is the patience we will have with people. If we are being joyful every day we will gain such an appreciation for the timing and effect we have on people that we will gain patience while dealing with people. Don’t believe me – try being joyful for one day without loosing your temper. I’ll wait. Okay, see what I mean. When you choose joy you are also choosing not to loose your temper either or to get angry or to snap at people or to criticize people. You gain patience. Patience is good.

As a result of this joyful patience we will gain knowledge. We will see things that we have never seen before because we were too angry to see them. We will find out what makes people tick because we stuck around long enough to find out instead of running off in a huff. Are we seeing the correlation with this? Well, it doesn’t end here either.

We all know that I spend a lot of time helping women – I dream about how I can help. I have direction in my life but I didn’t get that direction until I began choosing joy. I started teaching workshops and putting a lot of money into the development of this goal and low and behold I lost my job. Boy, I was not impressed and I was depressed but I decided I would choose joy anyway because what was I really going to be able to do about it. So, I looked for employment and in the mean time I did some more development on the workshop and still taught it. I looked for sponsors to pay for the lunches but that didn’t work out either so I used my own money still. Still choosing joy as my bank account sunk deeper and deeper into that black hole called overdraft. I am caught up now and I still choose joy. I make a conscious effort to choose joy even though I am not feeling joyful. Why?

Because it gives me HOPE. If I choose joy I will gain patience therefore increasing my knowledge which gives me hope for my future, hope for women, hope for my family, hope for my life, hope for you and hope for grace. I know that whatever is going to happen to me in the future or even right now I will get through with flying colours because I have chosen to think joyfully. You see, choosing joy is so much more far reaching then you can ever imagine – ever in your lifetime. The ripple effect of choosing joy every day will go on for minutes, hours, days, years and decades. I like knowing that because I chose joy I effected someone’s mood for even one minute, gave someone something that they will never forget or taught my children that life can throw you lemons so let’s make some lemonade and find a good shade tree to drink it under. I want every one to have hope because hope is what life is made of. Hope is motivation to accept where your life is and make the changes necessary to get where you want to be. Hope is all about the future.

Having hope brings you joy. The circle of life!

August’s challenge is to choose joy to get hope so you can have real joy. How we are going to do that is wake up every morning and ask whom can I do something for today that needs me?

So, for the first week we are going to serve someone and see real joy. Look at it, study it, dream about it, touch it and crave it.

The second week we are going to smile more. Choose to put a smile on your pretty face even when we want to poke someone’s eye out.

The third week we are going to saviour what we saw the first week and second week while making a conscious effort to choose joy. Give yourself a break though because it is not easy to choose joy when it is much easier to rip someone’s head off.

The last week we want to make sure that we feel the joy. Make sure you make note of the feelings you are having. Have you changed a rotten mood into a good one? Have you staved off one of the daily fights with a loved one? Have you drawn people to you that haven’t spoken to you before? Have you seen how much differently you feel?

Get on the joy wagon and feel the hope bubbling up.

Choosing joy right along with ya,

Kathleen

Success is a Plan

Planning our future is hard and something that most people don’t do; if it is worth doing it is worth planning.
Let’s take a look at this phenomenon that successful people undertake. These successful people also had been heard saying very pertinent quotes that we can use today to move ourselves to greatness.

"Men never plan to be failures; they simply fail to plan to be successful." William A Ward, British diplomat (b.1928)
Have you ever said to yourself, “Man, I wish I had that house or car or job or husband!” Did that statement then drive you to do something different in your life so that you could have whatever it is you want – if not this statement applies to you. We don’t plan to be failures it just happens because we fail to plan for success. I will be the last one to say if at all, “Poor you, you don’t have what you want.” I would be more tempted to ask, “Why do you want that and what are you willing to do to get it?”

It is a bad plan that admits of no modification. Pubilius Syrus (100 BC)
We also need to understand that our most thought out plan will need to be adjusted and tweaked, massaged and molded into what we require of it to get us to where we intend to go. It is the going that is important not how we get there. We must not let our ever-changing plan dissuade us from accomplishing our life’s goals.

Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action. Napoleon Hill
So we have discussed planning for success and understanding that plans will change now we must begin planning. As Napoleon says, ready or not put this plan into action. Begin planning what you desire to have whether it is a better career, a bigger house, a better marriage, less hurry, etc. No matter what it is that you want you will never have it without a plan. Think of all you do every day. You stop at Tim’s for a coffee – that was some bodies plan to sell you drive thru coffee and you are helping him realize his plan by buying it. Each thing you do took a plan by someone else to accomplish – why are you leaving your plans out of the mix every day.

He who every morning plans the transaction of the day and follows out that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the maze of the most busy life. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incidence, chaos will soon reign. Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885)
Time is our greatest ally and we can use it to our advantage. We can set up boundaries in which to live by sparing us time or we can just give in to chaos in our lives. When someone is using up our time ineffectively we are continuously going to live in chaos. Once we establish what it is we really want we will become a pro at making wise decisions based on our plan to achieve our goals. We will surround ourselves with people who will encourage us to achieve our goals but most of all we will accomplish our goals because we will have not wasted one iota of time with unplanned events not directed toward our goals.

We must establish our goals and plan for success. We must also remember that no on is responsible to achieve our goals besides us. This is one thing that we will soon forget when we ask someone to help us and they don’t. We will feel alone and lonely when people don’t do what they say they will do. Keep pumping along because one day someone is going to surprise you and help you – make sure you let him or her know that you are very grateful for the help. No one owes you his or her time so always show gratitude for even the slightest bit even if it is just one word of encouragement in just the right moment.

So therefore July’s challenge is to prepare your life for success. Plan one day at a time but intend to plan the rest of your life. We need to become long-term planners who see success after success due to our superior planning capabilities. Buy a day timer – paper or electronic and use it daily even if nothing is written in it continue to use it daily. If you are trying to get healthy plan your meals in it, if you are trying to learn something plan your learning time in it, if you are in need of alone time schedule it each day. Write until your heart is content and then write some more. Have fun with it – embrace it – depend on it but also know what is in it so that you are not making plans that you are unaware of. We all know what that is – people pleasing plans that don’t get us anywhere close to our ideal life but certainly will get our people close to their ideal life – maybe!

Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it. Plan more than you can do, then do it. Anonymous

Choosing joy right along with you,
Kathleen

The Truth Shall Make!

Hello Folks,

First of all I would like to apologize for being late with my blogging. I have a computer story you will all relate to. Our new laptop (2007 Christmas Present) broke down for the second time but my laptop (8 years old) was working fine so the kids started using it. It previously had an adaptor problem that became a bigger problem. Needless to say I have been without a computer while waiting for a new power cord to be shipped from the States. I am back now and happy to be back.

April we wrote down what bugs us the most. We listed all our issues in a book bought solely for that purpose. In May we categorized them as to be able to begin solving them. June is a month of continued discovery – Truth. Some of our issues may not be issues at all just misguided truth’s that we need to evaluate.

There are differing claims on such questions as what constitutes truth; how to define and identify truth; the roles that revealed and acquired knowledge play; and whether truth is subjective, relative, objective, or absolute. (Wikipedia) We all know what we mean by truth but what does someone else mean by truth. Does someone elses meaning of truth effect our meaning of truth. We discussed sincere self dillusion – this is when many other peoples idea of truth becomes ours.

For the last two months we have been searching for a form of truth, the little truth’s and the big ones. How do we live our lives without knowing the truth. Well, to tell you the truth, I did it for years. I lived my life thinking no one cared about me because I was ugly – not the truth. I lived my life not knowing what I was doing and thinking it would come to me some day – not the truth. I lived my life for stuff and thinking that I had to have it to make me happy – not the truth. There are a ton of not so true truth’s I lived by.

We are wanting change and the only way to make change is to arrive at the truth of what change we need, who can help us and what will it take to make those changes. The truth is a process to figure out. While we are searching each day we see more emotional growth as we get closer to the real truth. We want to be sure to arrive at real truth not emotional truth.

So, for June, we are on a hunt for truth. As I told you I was under the misguided impression that people didn’t care about me. When I looked at that sincere self delusion I was astounded to think that I have been feeling sorry for myself because other people were getting the help that I so desperately need when, I believed, they really didn’t need that help they just wanted it. As a result I am who I am today – strong, wise and independent. I also didn’t know what I was doing so I learned what I wanted to do and as a result I am involved in hobbies, volunteer work and other rewarding work that I like to do and saying 'no' to stuff I don’t want to do. Stuff has gotten me into a financial pickle but even worse I have taught my kids that stuff is important and stuff has gotten them, together with me, in trouble. All these heartaches have profited me in one way or another at one time or another. I can tell you this I am a much wiser money manager – it is never to late to become that for sure.

Okay, ‘the truth will make you free’ and so we are going to put that to the test this month. It is going to hurt although we may discover that it already does we just don’t know it yet. So go through your book of issues in search of the truth. Read it over and over again until you have discovered all the truth you can get out of it. Read it as if you were reading a novel about someone else. It is always easier to discover stuff about someone else than it is to find it out about us. Write it all down – we are still not acting on it because we still do not have all the facts.

We are going to prove to ourselves that either it is the truth or it isn’t so the question we are going to ask is “Is this the truth and how can I be sure it is the truth?” Write down your answer and your facts that it is or is not the truth. We have the rest of our lives to discover the truth as we see it so take your time but do the work.

Any time you feel overwhelmed send me an email and I will help you get at the information you are trying to discover.

Choosing Joy right along with you,
Kathleen

The Wonder of it All

Happy May Fellow Women,

Well, how did April’s challenge go? Did you write a huge list and find out that some of that stuff was linked to something else?

Story time: I was overloaded with housework. I was doing my utmost best to keep our house clean. It was a dead end road for me because I had so much stuff. One day I decided that I was going to set a goal to get rid of the stuff I didn’t want. Two years later I discovered that the result of this was way less housework. I mean WAY LESS HOUSEWORK! I did not know this – less stuff less cleaning. Who would have guessed – certainly not I. Not only did I change my mindset about stuff but I also got rid of the time consuming hassle of cleaning it all. What also happened, to my surprise, was I became money savvy as well. I discovered how much money I had dumped into the stuff I gave away that I was so sick I almost regurgitated the lunch I bought. Another potential waste of money, Teehehehehe!

Lesson learned: one issue fixed will also lead to other issues fixed by total curspunkable accident. So your challenge for May is to plan potential fixes from other fixes. So let’s say that one of the things we wrote on our list is having a dirty house. Just reread my story and we will discover the potential fixes.

Then I want us to put them under the same heading. Example: Under the bouquet of boundaries we have a list of life’s sections (areas). Let’s use that list to create our headings and file our issues under each heading. Messy house would fall under family and friends because it has to do with our family and us. Miracle of all miracles, it also affects jobs and finances because of all the money we will save not buying all that stuff to bring into our house. It can also affect our social and cultural because before now we would rather die than have guests to our house. See how it works. Easy EH!

This is a process that may take some time but it is well worth the time. This is called planning. We are going to plan our recovery from whatever ails us.

The reason we are doing this is because we want to set our goals, plan our path and most of all see the fruits of the labour. Seeing the fruits of our work in our mind will help us to stay the course.

Imagine this: You have been working hard for several hours in the garden. You are sweating and dripping drops the size of watermelons. You know that when you are finished you are going to throw your whole body in that huge pool in your back yard but you also remember that you have another hour or so of work to do. You work away whistling and smiling because you know what the fruit of your labour is going to be – half an hour of piece and solitude in that cool, cool pool. Imagine all of your work ending this way. Imagine that you are working for that tall glass of ice tea or putting your feet up on the ottoman or lying in the hammock under the big maple tree.

Solving problems that plague us is just like that ultimately when we are aware of the scope of them. Solving a problem that has been on our mind for many years is just like taking a load of bricks off our back. If we see the whole problem for what it is and the whole solution for what it is we will be more likely to solve our problems with more ease than we could have ever imagined. Our commitment level will also be higher because we are more aware of the real issues and the real solution. We all know how to clean a house - this doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out but do we all know what the result of having less stuff in our house is - probably knot because we have been tied up in having stuff and not realizing that that stuff has to be taken care of. (I hope you caught the 'knot' pun with the 'tied up' stuff)

Let’s recap for May - this month let’s do our due diligence and make a plan of action. Categorize your issues from most important to least important under each appropriate heading. This exercise will prove to be eye opening if you let it. You will discover plenty about each issue plus plenty about how to solve a problem and plenty about how encompassing an issue can be. When you see how each issue affects every area you will be shocked and hopefully work hard to prevent more issues from popping up. Prevention is what we are working toward.

I hope that you are choosing Joy again this month.
Forever mindful of you,
Kathleen

New Door Fully Polished

Old Doors

We are aware that when a new door opens an old one closes. When the old one closes we tend to try to leave it open just a tad so that if what's behind the new door isn't what we expected we can retreat back through the old door. It is very difficult to completely walk through the new door and leave the old one behind but we need too. The new door would not have opened if the old one wasn't old and warn out; the hinges creek, the paint is faded and chipping and the lock doesn't work. It just isn't a pretty sight any more.

New Door New Beginning

A new door has opened what do we do? Do we jump into it? Do we carry our bride over it? Do we peek in and see what is going on? What do we do?

For most this is a very daunting decision that takes them on a roller coaster ride through turmoil and dissension.

New Beginning Without Chaos

Let's not go to the roller coaster ride to start with. Let's control what we change and what we don't change at this very moment. We know we have a lot of change coming and we are convicted to make the changes but do we have to do it all at the same time? No!

Here's how we can do this without our heads exploding.

1. Recognize that change in imminent no matter how we like or dislike our life. We need to be satisfied with where we are at right now. We are successful at what we have been doing no matter what it is. If we accept this we are good to go to the next step. Acceptance of our current situation does not mean we like it and it doesn't need change; it means that we are not mad at ourselves anymore for what we have done (old doors).
2. Get a fresh journal book from the dollar store and find the perfect spot for it. This spot is always the same no matter what, day or night, when you go looking for it it is there. This may be the only part of your life that will be stable at this moment so make sure you put that book back in its spot every single time. EVERY SINGLE TIME!
3. You are going to begin writing what in your life you do not like. Take your time with this because you may end up putting something in there that you will have to erase but if you use a pencil your good to go. Don't worry about fixes right now or other people just write the stuff you do not like. We are not going to jump all over these and fix them over night we are just going to write them down. AND DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR THEM EITHER. REMEMBER WE ARE IN ACCEPTANCE MODE RIGHT NOW.

This my lovelies is the April Challenge.

Spend the month of April writing and reflecting with this list and by the end of the month you should have a clear picture of how your life needs to change. I know that you are going to want to get started but don't. This is very personal and very time consuming. When you can see the whole picture it will be much clearer but if you get started before you see the whole picture you may make more mistakes. I want you to know that some of the stuff that you are intending to change may be bad because of something else that needs changing and you will see that with a complete comprehensive list and not before that.

4. Prioritize your list from small problem to biggest to fix. Spend the last week of April prioritizing your list. Ask yourself the questions:

• Who is effected by this problem?
• When did this go south?
• Where was I in my life when this happened?
• What was going on at that time? What happened?
• Why did this happen?
• How much time will this take to fix? Little, some, lots? (don't over think this) We are just determining time for the prioritizing.
• Do I need help? Who can help? Am I on my own?
• Any other question you deem feasible to get to the truth.

What we are doing when we prioritize is we are helping ourselves become more aware of what is going on in our lives and what it is going to take to fix it. This is ultimately our goal - to fix our messes. We cannot fix someone else's messes but we can fix our own and see what effect that has on someone else.

For those of you who attended the LYS March 29th Workshop I introduced a new part called A Bouquet of Boundaries in where we discussed setting boundaries so we can teach people how to treat us. We discussed that we can only change ourselves and establish boundaries in which we can show people what we will tolerate and what we will not. So we can teach people how to treat us but we can not change their behaviour. In the teaching we can hope that their behaviour begins to change. We will always have people in our lives that will refuse to treat us the way we expect to be treated but how we react to them will make the difference regarding how they will treat us in the coming years. So what I am tryng to say is DO NOT PUT PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST PUT SITUATIONS. Situations we can fix people we can't.

So lets recap April's challenge - we are going to have a fresh book in a great location and write a list of issues that we have in our lives that we are not happy with. Then we are going to ask ourselves some key questions in the last week and prioritize our list so that we will be ready for May's challenge.

In May we are going to start wearing out the door nob in our new doors but we are not going to close all of our old doors because we need to peek back and see what lessons we need to learn from the path's that led up to the new doors.

We are in acceptance mode so we are choosing joy every day. If we choose joy over anxiety we will be free to make changes and not worry about the results just yet. It is very difficult to make change and you will want to go back through the old doors but don't. Be patient and persistent because the end result will only lead to success.

Wishing you joy always,

Kathleen